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I'll See You When I See You

by Gilbert Neal

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1.
Dead to Her 08:51
Deep in the ground, you fear, Like you were never here,  Like footprints in the sand, The tide will wash away the sum of all you were,  Real as the moment that they put you in the ground, Real as the days when you were making that sound. 
 You look down,  Your check is heaving,  You look around,  No one is grieving,  People smile,  It’s hard believing it’s the real you You make sounds just like we’re hearing,  You touch the ground, no devils nearing,  You wonder why she doesn’t see or hear or feel you. 
 But you’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. 
 She comes close,  Your eyes adjust,  It isn’t love,  It’s never lust,  It’s like she’s mourning the virile man you were,  She makes a cross across her chest,  Some kind of Pagan thing, your best guess,  It’s like a cross or something,  And it must mean something to her, 
 But you’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. You’re dead to her right now. 
 Don’t be a fool, there won’t be a real funeral, There’s not a wake and not a florist to stall,  Try to find people who are willing to carry your pall,  I reassure you that my goal here is true,  All things are passing and you will pass too,  You felt it coming but no one was listening at all,  Why didn’t she call? Why didn’t she call?  
 Deep in the ground, you fear, Like you were never here,  Like footprints in the sand, The tide will wash away the sum of all you were,  Real as the moment that they put you in the ground, Real as the days when you were making that sound. 
 Every iteration gonna rise and fade,  Each left to biodegrade,  Like smoke billows in wind,  Maybe some lingering memory,  Nothing is real as the moment that they put you in the ground, Real as the days when you were making that sound. 
 When I was five, my Kim and I, Pooled our coins to see what we could buy, At Nancy’s Candies on a summer day, Alive to her somehow, We walked among the ruins of our lives, A sunny street where innocence survives, Our mutual defenses from the scythe. 
 If I could talk to her today,  And if she still remembered anyway,  That when she left she left a hole in me,  And sometimes it appears, And you can see a beating heart inside,  When winding roads and sunshine are applied, Look carefully, you’ll see it never died…
2.
I’ve seen you ‘round this shaky ground,  But I’ve never seen you look so blue,  I know I’m just a stranger,  But I want to be friends with you,  
 It’s very forward, yes, I know,  But I remember that feeling, I do,  And it’s because I understand,  I wanna be friends with you Friends with you 
 I’ve seen you ‘round this shaky ground,  But I’ve never seen you look so blue,  I know I’m just a stranger,  But I want to be friends with you,  
 It’s very forward, yes, I know,  But I remember that feeling, I do,  And it’s because I understand,  I wanna be friends with you 
 So talk to me, Let it go, It might be good, You never know 
 So talk to me, (talk to me baby now) Let it go, (come on, come on) It might be good, (ooh, sexy sexy now) You never know 
 I’ve seen you ‘round this shaky ground,  But I’ve never seen you look so blue,  I know I’m just a stranger,  But I want to be friends with you,  
 It’s very forward, yes, I know,  But I remember this feeling, I do,  And it’s because I understand,  I wanna be friends with you
3.
Vapor Girl 05:29
From Raleigh to Saint Petersburg,  I’ve been around the world,  But for the first time in my life,  I’ve met a vapor girl, Inside a world of oysters, I was searching for a pearl, But just as I was leaving,  I met my vapor girl 
 She stayed in rooms so grey and squalid,  How I wish that she were solid 
 I tried to make her friendly, But she couldn’t hold her booze,  Cause she was mostly water and it all just went right through,  Her misty, misty face, it tried to kiss me in the night,  I closed my eyes but she was gone before the morning light, Her essence is a problem that I cannot seem to fix,  How can I claim her as my own with all her vapor tricks?  
 She stayed in rooms so grey and squalid,  How I wish that she was solid 
 The flowers on my landmine,  So gossamer, opaque,  And one too many coquetries was all that she could take,  I rode that bench until I couldn’t ride it anymore, But ride we must,  And ride in dust,  And ride until we’re sore 
 I think about my vapor girl each time I’m on that wind,  From Raleigh to Saint Petersburg, She floats above my din,  And maybe if you time it right,  You’ll have her for your own,  And seize the pleas in her disease,  It’s me that she’s outgrown,  She lives in houses grey and squalid, How I wish that she was solid.
4.
The Phajaan 05:19
No one hides, no one runs,  Nothing gonna save you when the phajaan comes,  Stay very still,  Past your lips, past your gums,  Prayer means nothing when the phajaan comes,  So nobody will, baby,  Nobody will.  
 No one cries, no one dares.  Noose goes up but no one cares,  So keep your head low,  One by one, two by two,  Phajaan comes for all of you,  We’ve all got to go, baby,  We’ve all got to go. 
 Thin, frayed twine holds us in our place.  Disappointed heroes stare us in the face.  Thin, frayed twine holds us in our place.  Disappointed heroes stare us in the face.  
 One jerked his body free,  And ran toward the open sea, Like many before you,  But like all the ones before,  The wind, the wash, the war,  So many before you So many before you 
 Thin, frayed twine holds us in our place. (I know) Disappointed heroes stare us in the face.  Thin, frayed twine holds us in our place. (I know)  Disappointed heroes stare us in the face. 
5.
Sad little miracle you, sad little miracle me, Sad little miracle taking on water, Drowning in a cold, black sea, Sad little miracles, we,  Not where we should be,  Slowly, slowly sinking down,  One by land and two by sea, Now in this next world, we’re on our own,  Now in this next world, we’re on our own 
 Freedom fighter me, freedom fighter you,  You’ll be free, just like me,  Free to do the things I do,  Listen to that sound, echo like a bell,  Muted by the snowy ground,  Others didn’t do so well,  Now in this next world, you’re on your own, Now in this next world, you’re on your own 
 Sad little miracle, bobbing in the sea,  Sad little miracle, grind on me,  Sad little miracle, rich and thin,  Sad little miracle Sad little miracle, newsprint stew,  Sad little miracle, sees right through,  Sad little miracle Been some places that you didn’t want to see,  Kissed some lips with an acid taste,  Touched some skin that gave like waste,  Sad little miracle Inside the prison of your own, decide,  Waste-line skinny or wallet wide,  Sad little miracle 
 You’ve been sold a dream, Dreams are not for sale,  There will be no sanctuary, When the sirens wail,  Sad little miracle you,  Flickers it’s last goodbye,  Too much noise from the party on the shore,  All at once the fireworks fly,  Now in this next world, we’re on our own,  Now in this next world, we’re on our own
6.
Duloxetine 03:59
Oh, say, have you seen, My bottle of Duloxetine? I’ve gotta go, I better go, I gotta go 
 The dreams, the scare,  The violence I never thought I had up there,  But now I know, now I know, I better know 
 My daddy used to drink himself into a restless sleep,  An indentation on the barstool down the street,  I really thought that I was better off, but now I find,  A rudderless addiction of a different kind 
 I know, I see,  I’m Joe, I’m also Rose Marie,  Not letting go, not letting go, it won’t let go. 
 My daddy used to drink himself into a restless sleep,  The indentation on the barstool down the street,  I really thought that I was better off, but now I find,  A rudderless addiction of a different kind 
 I know, I see,  I’m Joe, I’m also Rose Marie,  Not letting go, not letting go, not letting let go. Please, please, please….
7.
Goodbye to all of that now,  Watch, arm in arm, as it caves in and down,  When this began we were soldiers and farmers, But after 12 score there were cracks in the armor,  Goodbye to all,  All of that now. 
 The seas made us cocky and strong,  We were the homo supreme before long, Swimming inside the new mythology,  Learning, as children, the kings we would be,  Goodbye to all,  All of that now. 
 Tell them that’s us standing over the subway,  Everyone ogling, giving off steam,  No one had ever seen anything like us,  Never so close to an unspeakable dream,  Tell them, if someone should ask you,  That we were that innocent nurse in Times Square,  Tell them that’s us getting kissed by a sailor,  Everyone watching us,  Watching us fighting for air 
 Goodbye to all of that now Fingers were crossed as we broke every vow, There was a gentleman’s promise we spoke,  But nobody’s left to be in on the joke,  Goodbye to all,  All of that now. All of that now. All of that now.
8.
Wrong 04:24
I’ve been hoping, hoping hard,  Maybe you’ll return.  I’ve been praying, all night long,  And I’m sorry that I let my bridges burn,  Do you think that you could love me one more time?  Do you think that maybe someday you’ll be mine?  
 I’ve been walking lonely streets,  Hoping for a friend,  I’ve been thinking it’s a shame,  How I lost my courage in the end,  Did you know I was a liar all along?  Did you know that when we argued I was wrong? 
 Wrong to not believe you when you’d said you’d never leave, and you were strong,  Wrong Wrong to not devote myself to hoping I could ever not be wrong 
 If I ever get you back, I’ll never let you go,  If I ever get to see that angel that I thought I used to know,  Did you know I was a liar all along?  Did you know that when we argued I was wrong? 
 Wrong to not believe you when you’d said you’d never leave, and you were strong,  Wrong Wrong to not devote myself to hoping I could ever not be wrong 
 Do you think that you could love me one more time?  Do you think that maybe someday you’ll be mine?  
 Wrong to not believe you when you’d said you’d never leave, and you were strong,  Wrong Wrong to not devote myself to hoping I could ever not be wrong
9.
If I manage expectations, Would you talk to me again? I miss you so damned much some days, My enigmatic friend, And if I found a better me, Tell me, then, would you agree? If I stand there like a mannequin, And let you take the wheel, Sit behind you silently, And just enjoy the feel, The feel of when we got along, Like an arrow, straight and strong. Unladen by the lifeless weight of things we said that day, That seemed to turn your eyes to steel, And make you run away, What if I changed my name? Or maybe you’ll forget what my name was. And what if I could force myself, To not expect too much, Maybe I could walk again without your mercy as my crutch, Thank you, thank you, You must have had more pain than anyone I’ve ever known. I’ve ever known. The dream to live together. Did I ruin that as well? The one thing I held onto in this strange suburban hell, And when the children had all grown, Two Buffalonians on our own. And when the children had all grown, Two Buffalonians on our own. And when the children had all grown, Two Buffalonians on our own.
10.
I’ll see you when I see you,  Like tissue in the rain,  You really had me going,  Now I’m going a little insane,  The tape all hard and yellow, Your photo on the wall,  I still recall the day you hung your headshot on my wall,  You never even knew it,  You hardly see it now,  But for minutes, maybe moments, maybe seconds, you were all… 
 The spaces on your armor where my spirit could intrude,  And wither your defenses from inside your castle crude,  I couldn’t keep control as I set fire to the soul,  I laid inside the trebuchet and launched into the hole,  You never even knew it,  You hardly see it now,  But for minutes, maybe moments, maybe seconds, you were all… 
 Tissue paper in the rain Nothing that we said remains, Never a threat of any kind,  Not unless you change your mind…
11.
Are We Even 06:58
And when I thought nobody cared, I felt you there 
 And when the poison was my plan, You slowed my hand 
 And when the gallows pole was made With me, you stayed 
 I never thought I’d see the angels come But you were one 
 You love me, need me, all that stuff, But it’s not enough, 
 You need a man who knows your code, Whose pulse has slowed  
 So are we even? Not even close So are you leaving?  Just leave a dose 
 And me the bad twin,  A laughing ghost But when we started,  I was the most 
 We take our chances, We spin the wheel We guess the weight of The stuff we feel.  
 It looked so pretty,  Upon display So here’s the rifle, now shoot away 
 You’re standing right where the others stood The forecast sunny, intentions good 
 "You really knew me," is what you’d say, A coronation  A passion play 
 Sophisticated? Sure of success? One out of two then, Not bad I guess 
 How do you figure this precious dream Turned from tomorrow Into tontine 
 I tried to control you with my monkey grip  You tried to warn me with your rumble strip Why am I mourning the living this way  Tell me do you ever mourn me these days 
 When obligations float out to the sea Will you still need me, my sweet refugee, What was so certain is so hard to see What was once spring became winter to me
12.
Frank Zappa said Everyone here is wearing a uniform. 
 Frank Zappa said We’re all wearing a uniform, So I put mine on So I put mine on 
 Cause everyone here is wearing a uniform Frank Zappa said Don’t kid yourself.

about

Written by Gilbert Neal

Produced by Darrell Nutt and Gilbert Neal
Mixed and mastered by Darrell Nutt

Gilbert Neal: bass, keyboards, vocals, guitars
Darrell Nutt: all percussion, some keyboards
Bruce Hoffman: pedal steel guitar, dobro
Jacob Wynne: trumpets
Joey Skoch: difficult piano parts
Dave Kasper: saxophone solo on “Vapor Girl”
Andreas Hionis: guitar solo on “Duloxetine”
Tabeetha Fada: vocals on “Sad Little Miracle”
Dr. Thomas Millioto: nylon guitar solo on “Two Buffalonians”

Featuring the wonderful Russian voice actress Ekaterina Rykova

All songs published ©2022 by Autoholic Friend Music (ASCAP). All rights reserved, pal. Move along.

Cover design by @fearofrevolt

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released May 20, 2022

©2022 Wampus Multimedia.

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Gilbert Neal Hillsborough, North Carolina

A modern pop artist and intrepid tourist of styles.

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